BE MY OWN VALENTINE
By Gururattan Kaur Khalsa, Ph.D.
I have a great idea I want to share with
you. I decided I am going to send
myself a Valentine this year. I wonder
why it took me this many years to think of this loving plan. But never mind. There is still time to buy myself a card that makes me laugh and
write myself a note telling myself nice things I would love to hear.
I mentioned this idea to my Kundalini yoga class
last night and everyone thought it was a great idea. One student, who had been wondering if his partner would be in
town for the day, dropped his story of thinking the success of the day depended
on someone else and decided to have a good time by himself. Everyone else immediately started thinking
about what they could do for themselves to make this a special day. It is very interesting how the dependency programs
vanished and the self-love and self-appreciation programs started to activate. When we went around the circle to share,
everyone spontaneously shared something they really loved about
themselves.
Valentines Day comes while the Sun is still in
the territory of “Set yourself free”
Aquarius. What better way to set
ourselves free than to create our own happiness, pleasure and peace with
ourselves. This is a good time to
examine how we are programmed to look outside ourselves for entertainment,
companionship, validation and attention.
The basic problem with these co-dependency programs is that they are
based on expectations that someone or something else can make us happy. The fatal flaw in this way of thinking is
always exposed. No one can fulfill
us. No one can make us feel whole. No one can complete us but ourselves. So even if we have moments of temporary
happiness, the bubble will always burst.
We will be disappointed in some way.
We will feel let down. Something
will not feel right. That something we
must find in ourselves.
The good news is that as we find completion and
happiness in ourselves, we are able to authentically enjoy the companionship of
others. This is because we are not
dependent upon their presence, acknowledgment or attention. They are icing on our cake. As we learn to be comfortable with
ourselves, we can relax and be comfortable with others exactly the way they are
and exactly how we are. What a relief
for both parties! When we take care of
ourselves, we don’t burden others with our needy projections. When we are real with ourselves, we can be
real with others. We lower the drama
level and can start to enjoy what is happening in the moment. Others feel more comfortable around us when
our reality is anchored in real feelings that we nurture and know how to
respond to. As we let go of our
fantasies, we reduce the barriers that separate us.
In short, there is a solution to co-dependence,
neediness, fantasies and fear-based projections. We can spend time cultivating a loving relationship with
ourselves. What better time to begin a
new self-love program than Valentine’s Day?
Here is a touchstone --
Happiness is being my own best friend.
How about starting the day out with some
Kundalini yoga or your favorite spiritual practice. Be sure to include a meditation to open your heart. * Here is a Self-Love Meditation that you can
do any time to reconnect with yourself.
The order of the suggestions are not important. Pick one and concentrate on that. Then go to another. The goal is to be attentive to yourself.
Sit with your hands on your heart, one on top of
the other.
Feel the rhythm of your breath in your
chest.
Relax into the rhythm of your heart.
Listen to the heart beat.
Feel any other sensations under your hands and in
the spine at the level of the heart. We
often feel a warmth arise from deep within, in the spine and under the
hands. Stay with these feels and let
them pull your awareness deep within your heart.
Once you have established a focus on your heart,
mentally add SAT on the inhale and NAM on the exhale. Simply listen to the breath breathe these sounds.
Feel the purity of your breath, heart and
being. The purity of SAT NAM. I am the truth.
Listen to your heart as though it wanted to tell
you something. Be patient. Do not expect anything specific. Just patiently and lovingly listen.
Enjoy being with your heart and yourself.
Blessing to each of you for a heart-felt self-love day! May you always enjoy being your own best friend!
Transitions to a Heart-Centered World by Gururattan Kaur Khalsa is filled with dozens of heart opening meditations and yoga sets.
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